Saturday, January 11, 2014

3 Things no one tells you when you switch from contacts to glasses

Ignore the crappy photo of me trying to look presentable in my glasses. It was taken on my kindle, and is beyond pixelated all to hell.
So, after 10 years without a back-up pair of glasses, I finally decided it was time to get some for those days when my contacts are bothering me. Let em tell you, after such a long period of time, there were a LOT of things I didn't remember about wearing glasses, and I thought I would share them with you, in case you decide to take the plunge and change up your eyewear as well.

1.) You Better Get Used To Living Like A Fish

Stock photo from stock-gallery
 Now, I don't remember ever feeling like I was trapped in a fishbowl with my last pair of glasses, but the second I took out my contact, and put on my new glasses for the first time, there was a severe sense of being trapped in a tiny spherical glass prison. It was so bad in fact, I literally just sat down and did nothing but stare out of my glasses, trying to get used to them. Even after wearing them all last night, and all day today, I'm still bothered by the curve I see out of the corner of my eye. I know I just have to get used to them, but if you plan to be constantly be switching from contacts to glasses, the fishbowl effect will never go just be ready to feel like Nemo trapped in the aquarium around the clock.

2.) You Will No Longer Have Any Sort Of Depth Perception

My depth perception wasn't the greatest with contacts, but when I put on my glasses, any sort of talent I had for not running into things flew out the window. I can no longer gauge where I am in conjunction to solid objects. I've run into the doorway between the living room and kitchen twelve times today.


And it's not just walking, oh no. You should have seen me trying to wash the dishes earlier. The sponge was not where my brain said it was, so I was groping about trying to get a knife to wash without cutting my hand because my eyes said I was grabbing the handle, but my hand said, "THAT'S THE BLADE FUCKTARD."

3.) You Get To Living In A Poorly Color Screened Comic.

Image from White Rabbit 3d
Just a warning, if you don't look out of the EXACT CENTER of the lenses, you will get to experience what it's like to revisit those old comics with the bad color bleeding from poor alignment during printing. I'm just so used to glancing out the corner of my eye at something, and the fact that I now have to turn my entire head in order to look at something has me annoyed to no end. I can't be sly and just sneak a peek at something any more, I have to be blatantly obvious tot he fact that I'm looking at something.

What if I want to sneak a peek at the trainwreck of a woman having a meltdown in Starbucks because they ran out of her favorite creamer? Or have a nonchalant glance at the two drag queens having one of the most intriguing discussions about "potatoes" I have ever heard? I have to stare with a deer in the headlights look.

So be warned, if you switch from contacts to glasses, your ninja like snooping skills will be completely lost to you forever.

Love and Lightning Bugs,
Post a Comment