Wednesday, August 13, 2014

It's Taking Its Toll.

So, I know it's been a long time since I've updated last, but there's a been a very good reason for that.

I graduated from Kansas State University in May, with my Bachelors Degree in Animal Science and Industry, and started my job search the very next day. At first, I was dedicated, filling out a few applications every day, and always calling back on them. The days stretched to weeks, and my job search was still getting nowhere. It's been almost three months now, to the day I started my search, and still there's no job in sight.

It's not for lack of trying either.

Every day, I fill out at least 15+ applications for every job I can think of, excluding fast food and retail (my joints can't handle those jobs anymore). My resume is posted on every job site I can think of, my LinkedIn is pristine, I have applied with several temp agencies and yet, no one calls back. I have no idea why, and to be honest, the constant rejection is wearing me down.

I've gotten to the point where I start to dread checking my email, because I know there will be more rejection. I've lost the will do actually do anything in fact. Video games aren't fun. Reading isn't fun. I don't want to leave the house, and I don't really want to hang out with anyone. Even Facebook is a chore. I just want to sleep all day, and stay in bed. I have to force myself to even answer the phone, and even then, I want the conversation to be over as soon as it starts. My "give a fuck" is broken completely, and even the most mundane of tasks is a struggle.

I've been trying for a week and a half to just pick up my living room, and every time I think about it, all the energy drains from my body. I wish I could just wake up one day, back to normal, but I'm struggling. I force myself to go outside. The trek to the post office this morning, just down the road, was akin to an arctic expedition. The only time I feel slightly better is when my boyfriend is around, but with him working, it's just me at home the majority of the time. Festering in my stew of rejection.

I know if I got a job, this would get better. I know I could be excited about what the day had to offer, instead of cringing at the thought of even rolling out of bed. It's becoming more and more difficult to even get on the computer anymore. My life has just become one job application after the next, followed by rejection after rejection...and it's taking its toll.

Love and Lightning Bugs,

Friday, June 20, 2014

Don't Feed the Trolls

Don't you just love the internet? You have all the knowledge of the human race at your fingertips, allowing you to do literally anything in terms of connecting with people from all walks of life, and yet, there are those who would rather spend their time disparaging people.

Fucking Trolls.

I had an encounter with one today, seemingly out of the blue, on a pin well over two years old.

I thought I handled it well enough, seeing as the trolls really hate when you come to them calmly. It freaks them out. After dropping that little screengrab on my Facebook page, a few friends decided to pop on over and leave comments of their own. Which promptly made her delete her previous comments and change her profile picture.

Ah, the wonders of the internet.

Love and Lightning Bugs,

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

I'm a Vixen on the Weekends

So, Saturday, I spent the entire day dressed as a Kitsune. Because, you know, that's just how I roll. And on Sunday, I did it again, for shits and giggles...and for filming a web-series made by the amazing Airship Vindus.

But I digress.

Copyright Dustin Hawkins
Every year, Old Cowtown Museum in Wichita has their volunteers put away their traditional 1880's clothing, and has them don Steampunk costumes of every style imaginable. The park is always open to the public, but on Steampunk Day, the park is brimming with people clad in brass, bustles, and covered in cogs, gears, and goggles. That's me in the above photo, on the far right. The one with fox ears...


Copyright Carolee Conway
If you don't know what Steampunk is, here's an old post I wrote about the topic. Needless to say, this genre has drawn quite a bit of attention in the past few years, and has in turn become immensely popular with people of all ages. In fact, two of my best friends were met while at a similar event years ago.

Copyright Keith Wondra
As you can see, there is a TON of difference between costumes, and people often take up the role of a character. I myself like to attend as Viviette Crevan, the Kitsune I have written short stories about in the past. It's immense fun to be a different person for a day, and strangely enough, these sort of hobbies, where I dress up in costume, have helped me control my anxiety.

Copyright Keith Wondra
Copyright Jeff Frazell
So next time you hear about a Steampunk event in your local neck of the woods, check that shit out! You have no idea just how much fun, and insane creativity you're missing out on! 

Love and Lightning Bugs,