Wednesday, August 13, 2014

It's Taking Its Toll.

So, I know it's been a long time since I've updated last, but there's a been a very good reason for that.

I graduated from Kansas State University in May, with my Bachelors Degree in Animal Science and Industry, and started my job search the very next day. At first, I was dedicated, filling out a few applications every day, and always calling back on them. The days stretched to weeks, and my job search was still getting nowhere. It's been almost three months now, to the day I started my search, and still there's no job in sight.

It's not for lack of trying either.

Every day, I fill out at least 15+ applications for every job I can think of, excluding fast food and retail (my joints can't handle those jobs anymore). My resume is posted on every job site I can think of, my LinkedIn is pristine, I have applied with several temp agencies and yet, no one calls back. I have no idea why, and to be honest, the constant rejection is wearing me down.

I've gotten to the point where I start to dread checking my email, because I know there will be more rejection. I've lost the will do actually do anything in fact. Video games aren't fun. Reading isn't fun. I don't want to leave the house, and I don't really want to hang out with anyone. Even Facebook is a chore. I just want to sleep all day, and stay in bed. I have to force myself to even answer the phone, and even then, I want the conversation to be over as soon as it starts. My "give a fuck" is broken completely, and even the most mundane of tasks is a struggle.

I've been trying for a week and a half to just pick up my living room, and every time I think about it, all the energy drains from my body. I wish I could just wake up one day, back to normal, but I'm struggling. I force myself to go outside. The trek to the post office this morning, just down the road, was akin to an arctic expedition. The only time I feel slightly better is when my boyfriend is around, but with him working, it's just me at home the majority of the time. Festering in my stew of rejection.

I know if I got a job, this would get better. I know I could be excited about what the day had to offer, instead of cringing at the thought of even rolling out of bed. It's becoming more and more difficult to even get on the computer anymore. My life has just become one job application after the next, followed by rejection after rejection...and it's taking its toll.

Love and Lightning Bugs,