Let me just start off with this: I DON'T WANT KIDS.
I never have, and it's beyond doubtful that I ever will. Some of my readers may be wondering why I feel the need to share such information, and if you want me to be honest, it's because I'm tired of hearing all the things that keep getting thrown my way when people find out my stance on children.
In fact, I thought I would collect a few of the more common things said, here for you. And why not, let's throw in some of the real batshit crazy stuff too, how about it? So, let me give you the top ten things not to say to a woman who doesn't want kids.
1.) "You don't want kids? But you're a girl!"
I shit you not, someone said this to me no less than three days ago. You know, because having a uterus means I must automatically love children and be in a constant state of pregnancy and child rearing. News flash: just because I have the equipment, doesn't mean I have to use it. It's perfectly fine to not want kids, and to not really like them. It doesn't make me any less of a woman.
2.) "Does your husband/boyfriend/partner know?"
Well I don't know about YOUR relationship, because my mother raised me to act like a fucking lady and not pry into people's lives, but yes I have had quite a few talks with the man in my life about kids. It's called communication and knowing about each other before you commit to a life together. We're both pretty adamant about not having them. It's one of the main reasons I chose him for a life mate, if you must know.
3.) "Don't your parents want grandchildren?"
Probably, but isn't it lucky that I have a brother and parents who just want me to be happy and healthy? My mom may not be above the occasional guilt trip to get a favor out of me, but even she wouldn't stoop so low as to pull this card out of the deck and hold it over my head. You however, seem to have no problem with doing it. Kudos.
4.) "What about when you're old? Who will take care of you?"
Ummm...I'm going to go ahead and say the same people that take care of 70% of the elderly population and probably you too; home nurses or health care facilities. Until then though, I'm going to be using the vast amount of savings I have to travel, indulge in my hobbies, and hopefully retire early to live a life of adventure. Not paying for children frees up a ton of money, and when you're already a frugal person, that just adds up quicker.
5.) "You'll change your mind."
Oh, this is a personal favorite of mine. Please tell me again, all mighty ruler of my thoughts and actions, how I will change my mind suddenly after 20 years. I've known since I was three years old I didn't want kids. I didn't play with baby dolls, I didn't play house, and I certainly didn't gravitate toward kids my own age. Instead, I read books, I played with the animals, I painted and drew and imagined my life with a happy husband and a few dogs. Even as a child myself, I knew I didn't want kids...but you seem to know me so much better.
6. ) "You'll regret it."
Oh goodie, still so sure that you know me better than I know myself, huh? You know, someday, I might want kids, I might change my mind...but you have no right to tell me I will regret anything. If I do decide to become a mother, there's adoption, or foster kids, or any other massive number of options at my disposal. But if I have a kid because some asshat made me feel like less of a human being for not wanting one, and I do regret it, who is going to raise that child...you? Didn't think so. Because no child deserves an emotionally distant or disconnected mother, and I'm not the kind of person to do that to a child.
7.) "Won't you be lonely?"
I know plenty of parents who are lonely. Having a kid doesn't mean you have a best buddy for the rest of your life. But since you asked, no, I won't be. I have a wonderful family, a loving life mate, and close friends..enough to last a lifetime. If I ever get lonely, there are these amazing things called 'pets', which happen to perk me right up.
8.) "You'll see it differently after you become a mom."
Well let me stop you right the fuck there. No, just no. Shut up. Seriously, do everyone a favor and just leave the conversation now, unless you want me to end up yelling at you for ten minutes straight about all the things wrong with that sentence.
9.) "You'll never know what true love is! There is no stronger bond than between a mother and her children."
YEAH....going to have to beg to differ, but whatever helps you sleep at night.You know what else I don't know? The square root of pi, or what it's like to be able to see like a normal person, or what having a penis is like...but you don't see me tripping over myself to find these things out either. If I'm not content with the love I get from my life mate and the various people in my life, an "I feel so lonely and unloved" baby is never the answer.
10.) "How will you feel fulfilled in life?"
I'll get a good job, have great friends, have a wonderful family, work on my photography and graphic design business, write a book, adopt a dog (or three), travel to all the places I've wanted, and live everyday like it's a new adventure and I'm Bilbo fucking Baggins. There's much more in life to help you feel fulfilled than popping out some kids, so please, just stop talking.
Have any of my fellow ladies every heard any of these? Please let me know, I'm dying to hear the stories!
Love and Lightning Bugs,
I never have, and it's beyond doubtful that I ever will. Some of my readers may be wondering why I feel the need to share such information, and if you want me to be honest, it's because I'm tired of hearing all the things that keep getting thrown my way when people find out my stance on children.
In fact, I thought I would collect a few of the more common things said, here for you. And why not, let's throw in some of the real batshit crazy stuff too, how about it? So, let me give you the top ten things not to say to a woman who doesn't want kids.
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| Photographer: Mario Testino |
1.) "You don't want kids? But you're a girl!"
I shit you not, someone said this to me no less than three days ago. You know, because having a uterus means I must automatically love children and be in a constant state of pregnancy and child rearing. News flash: just because I have the equipment, doesn't mean I have to use it. It's perfectly fine to not want kids, and to not really like them. It doesn't make me any less of a woman.
2.) "Does your husband/boyfriend/partner know?"
Well I don't know about YOUR relationship, because my mother raised me to act like a fucking lady and not pry into people's lives, but yes I have had quite a few talks with the man in my life about kids. It's called communication and knowing about each other before you commit to a life together. We're both pretty adamant about not having them. It's one of the main reasons I chose him for a life mate, if you must know.
3.) "Don't your parents want grandchildren?"
Probably, but isn't it lucky that I have a brother and parents who just want me to be happy and healthy? My mom may not be above the occasional guilt trip to get a favor out of me, but even she wouldn't stoop so low as to pull this card out of the deck and hold it over my head. You however, seem to have no problem with doing it. Kudos.
4.) "What about when you're old? Who will take care of you?"
Ummm...I'm going to go ahead and say the same people that take care of 70% of the elderly population and probably you too; home nurses or health care facilities. Until then though, I'm going to be using the vast amount of savings I have to travel, indulge in my hobbies, and hopefully retire early to live a life of adventure. Not paying for children frees up a ton of money, and when you're already a frugal person, that just adds up quicker.
5.) "You'll change your mind."
Oh, this is a personal favorite of mine. Please tell me again, all mighty ruler of my thoughts and actions, how I will change my mind suddenly after 20 years. I've known since I was three years old I didn't want kids. I didn't play with baby dolls, I didn't play house, and I certainly didn't gravitate toward kids my own age. Instead, I read books, I played with the animals, I painted and drew and imagined my life with a happy husband and a few dogs. Even as a child myself, I knew I didn't want kids...but you seem to know me so much better.
6. ) "You'll regret it."
Oh goodie, still so sure that you know me better than I know myself, huh? You know, someday, I might want kids, I might change my mind...but you have no right to tell me I will regret anything. If I do decide to become a mother, there's adoption, or foster kids, or any other massive number of options at my disposal. But if I have a kid because some asshat made me feel like less of a human being for not wanting one, and I do regret it, who is going to raise that child...you? Didn't think so. Because no child deserves an emotionally distant or disconnected mother, and I'm not the kind of person to do that to a child.
7.) "Won't you be lonely?"
I know plenty of parents who are lonely. Having a kid doesn't mean you have a best buddy for the rest of your life. But since you asked, no, I won't be. I have a wonderful family, a loving life mate, and close friends..enough to last a lifetime. If I ever get lonely, there are these amazing things called 'pets', which happen to perk me right up.
8.) "You'll see it differently after you become a mom."
Well let me stop you right the fuck there. No, just no. Shut up. Seriously, do everyone a favor and just leave the conversation now, unless you want me to end up yelling at you for ten minutes straight about all the things wrong with that sentence.
9.) "You'll never know what true love is! There is no stronger bond than between a mother and her children."
YEAH....going to have to beg to differ, but whatever helps you sleep at night.You know what else I don't know? The square root of pi, or what it's like to be able to see like a normal person, or what having a penis is like...but you don't see me tripping over myself to find these things out either. If I'm not content with the love I get from my life mate and the various people in my life, an "I feel so lonely and unloved" baby is never the answer.
10.) "How will you feel fulfilled in life?"
I'll get a good job, have great friends, have a wonderful family, work on my photography and graphic design business, write a book, adopt a dog (or three), travel to all the places I've wanted, and live everyday like it's a new adventure and I'm Bilbo fucking Baggins. There's much more in life to help you feel fulfilled than popping out some kids, so please, just stop talking.
Have any of my fellow ladies every heard any of these? Please let me know, I'm dying to hear the stories!
Love and Lightning Bugs,
18 comments:
Mine's not exactly like yours, but I always get the "What are you waiting for?" or "You're not getting any younger" reply when people ask me if I want kids & I say yes, but we're waiting. Um, hello, I want to make sure I'm financially stable to take care of my child(ren) instead of relying on others/the government to do so! Thank you very much........and I fucking love how much you fucking cussed in this post! Reminds me of the Izzy I know & LOVE! :D <3
I totally get it. I never wanted kids either...then I had them. Can't say that it made me like kids any better (other people's anyway), but there IS something about your own kids that makes you love them unconditionally, but that doesn't mean I've changed my mind on other people's kids....pretty much still don't like kids except my own. :-)
If you don't want them though, that is up to you and don't let other people's thoughts get you down, sometimes they just don't realize they are being rude or inconsiderate.
Exactly! I know that can get annoying! And yes, it's not a normal day unless I say 'fuck' at LEAST 15 times.
I get "you'll change your mind" all the time. "Its different when its your kid" NO! I haven't wanted them since I was a kid, so no, I don't think that will change.
Jolene, I can tell you from personal experience as a father to two teenagers....If you wait until you can afford them, you will NEVER have children. You don't 'afford' children, you budget for THEIR needs. Face it sweetie pie, Once you have kids, it's not about YOU anymore! If you can't get on board with that idea.....you might as well stop considering having children right now.....All that you will accomplish otherwise is hurting the child (children) and making you question every day for the rest of your life, "Why did I do this to myself" leaving you angry and bitter. If that's what it will be......Don't do it. They don't deserve it and neither do you.
I would just stop answering the questuons if peoples responces got on my nerves.
I love kids, I have a degree in toddler :) but we do not have kids. I hear all kinds of responces!
I would just stop answering the questuons if peoples responces got on my nerves.
I love kids, I have a degree in toddler :) but we do not have kids. I hear all kinds of responces!
I have 3 kids and One who has decided she may not have any kids. That being said, I would never proceed to tell her and guilt her into having children. She and her hubby are satisfied and quite happy and if things change it will be their decision.
About #4. People who have kids to ensure they have someone to care for them in the future are precisely the selfish people that don't need to be having kids in the first place. Kids did not ask to be brought into this world, therefore it is not their job to take care of their parents. Perhaps you should share this with them next time they feel the need to share.
I had one child and I am done. I love the one I have but I have no desire for more. Besides the world is overpopulated, anyway. The Duggars are having enough for all of us.
Hmmm I get the opposite. I get the "don't you know what causes kids" people all over my case and the "one of you is getting fixed right" people. I think we should switch people! Or you could take a picture with one of my kids again and claim them for a day, lol, that would mess with their heads!
I find it amazing that people feel the need to pry into others' personal business. I have two kids and I want more, but I know that not everyone feels the same. I have a hard time understanding why women wouldn't want to have kids, but I DO understand that everyone is different. It's none of my business if someone wants or doesn't want kids. Just like so many other things that aren't my business. Also, I can have my opinions on something, but that doesn't mean I am obligated to share those opinions with everyone I meet.
Ah Isabella, once again you've done it! You've posted the complete opposite of how I feel ....BUT you've done it in such a way that I laughed and stayed right with you all the way! #3: Don't your parents want grandkids? I love your response! :-) Glad you and your man are on the same page! Love your perspective! and yes! People should mind their own business! You never know what is behind someone's choices!
I am a mother of two children and hoping to have more. I new at a young age I wanted kids... I actually wanted a LOT of kids lol. Both my parents came from big families and I wanted to have a big family. As I grew up and the cost of living got more and more expensive I new I wouldn't be able to have as big of a family as I wanted but I still wanted kids. Anyway I think that if you don't want kids that is your business. Just like I new I wanted kids at a young age you new you didn't want kids at a young age... Honestly people need to mind their own business! Good for you for sticking to your guns!
This post made me laugh out loud...literally. I've missed reading your blog. Glad I came to it today, because this was great. Some folks want kids and others just don't. And that is ok. I'm always baffled by others who think their two cents is so important they must thrust it down our throats. Personally, I was on the fence about having kids, and then I had one. Waited tens years to have another. I love them so dearly, but it is a serious commitment. Kudos to you for being so frank and authentic with your thoughts.
I don't think that anyone should question you about your decisions and that you shouldn't have to answer them all of the time either!
I'm not 100% that I don't want kids, so if I feel comfortable enough to tell someone that I'm not ready at this time in my life I get a few different ones... "You'll have a kid with down syndrome if you don't do it early enough" WHAT!? and if I do, is that such a horrible thing? Do down syndrome individuals not deserve to be loved? or... "You know, there's never a good time to have kids, just do it." Um... you can say that all you want, but I'm pretty sure that when I'm ready, because I damn well know how to and how not to get pregnant, I'll do it, and if you decided you wanted to live in a cramped one bedroom apartment with three kids, that was your damn choice... UGH!
Damned if you do, damned if you don't right? This is just another case of people not minding their own business.
I always knew I wanted kids, but couldn't understand people that wanted to have them so young. I was 25 when I had my son, and it was the perfect time in my life. At 30, I had my daughter. Sometimes, I imagine what it would have been like w/out having them. I think about all the laughs, smiles and good times we have had. Then, one of them shrieks in my ear and brings me back to reality. Do what is best for you and your life mate! Next time when someone says that crap to you, tell them you will have kids when they stop poking their nose into other people's business!
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