Monday, December 2, 2013

No I Don't Want Kids, Stop Treating Me Like an Idiot

Let me just start off with this: I DON'T WANT KIDS.

I never have, and it's beyond doubtful that I ever will. Some of my readers may be wondering why I feel the need to share such information, and if you want me to be honest, it's because I'm tired of hearing all the things that keep getting thrown my way when people find out my stance on children.

In fact, I thought I would collect a few of the more common things said, here for you. And why not, let's throw in some of the real batshit crazy stuff too, how about it? So, let me give you the top ten things not to say to a woman who doesn't want kids.

Photographer: Mario Testino

1.) "You don't want kids? But you're a girl!"
I shit you not, someone said this to me no less than three days ago. You know, because having a uterus means I must automatically love children and be in a constant state of pregnancy and child rearing. News flash: just because I have the equipment, doesn't mean I have to use it. It's perfectly fine to not want kids, and to not really like them. It doesn't make me any less of a woman.

2.) "Does your husband/boyfriend/partner know?"
Well I don't know about YOUR relationship, because my mother raised me to act like a fucking lady and not pry into people's lives, but yes I have had quite a few talks with the man in my life about kids. It's called communication and knowing about each other before you commit to a life together. We're both pretty adamant about not having them. It's one of the main reasons I chose him for a life mate, if you must know.

3.) "Don't your parents want grandchildren?"
Probably, but isn't it lucky that I have a brother and parents who just want me to be happy and healthy? My mom may not be above the occasional guilt trip to get a favor out of me, but even she wouldn't stoop so low as to pull this card out of the deck and hold it over my head. You however, seem to have no problem with doing it. Kudos.

4.) "What about when you're old? Who will take care of you?"
Ummm...I'm going to go ahead and say the same people that take care of 70% of the elderly population and probably you too; home nurses or health care facilities. Until then though, I'm going to be using the vast amount of savings I have to travel, indulge in my hobbies, and hopefully retire early to live a life of adventure. Not paying for children frees up a ton of money, and when you're already a frugal person, that just adds up quicker.

5.) "You'll change your mind."
Oh, this is a personal favorite of mine. Please tell me again, all mighty ruler of my thoughts and actions, how I will change my mind suddenly after 20 years. I've known since I was three years old I didn't want kids. I didn't play with baby dolls, I didn't play house, and I certainly didn't gravitate toward kids my own age. Instead, I read books, I played with the animals, I painted and drew and imagined my life with a happy husband and a few dogs. Even as a child myself, I knew I didn't want kids...but you seem to know me so much better.

6. ) "You'll regret it."
Oh goodie, still so sure that you know me better than I know myself, huh? You know, someday, I might want kids, I might change my mind...but you have no right to tell me I will regret anything. If I do decide to become a mother, there's adoption, or foster kids, or any other massive number of options at my disposal. But if I have a kid because some asshat made me feel like less of a human being for not wanting one, and I do regret it, who is going to raise that Didn't think so. Because no child deserves an emotionally distant or disconnected mother, and I'm not the kind of person to do that to a child.

7.) "Won't you be lonely?"
I know plenty of parents who are lonely. Having a kid doesn't mean you have a best buddy for the rest of your life. But since you asked, no, I won't be. I have a wonderful family, a loving life mate, and close friends..enough to last a lifetime. If I ever get lonely, there are these amazing things called 'pets', which happen to perk me right up.

8.) "You'll see it differently after you become a mom."
Well let me stop you right the fuck there. No, just no. Shut up. Seriously, do everyone a favor and just leave the conversation now, unless you want me to end up yelling at you for ten minutes straight about all the things wrong with that sentence.

9.) "You'll never know what true love is! There is no stronger bond than between a mother and her children."
YEAH....going to have to beg to differ, but whatever helps you sleep at night.You know what else I don't know? The square root of pi, or what it's like to be able to see like a normal person, or what having a penis is like...but you don't see me tripping over myself to find these things out either. If I'm not content with the love I get from my life mate and the various people in my life, an "I feel so lonely and unloved" baby is never the answer.

10.) "How will you feel fulfilled in life?"
I'll get a good job, have great friends, have a wonderful family, work on my photography and graphic design business, write a book, adopt a dog (or three), travel to all the places I've wanted, and live everyday like it's a new adventure and I'm Bilbo fucking Baggins. There's much more in life to help you feel fulfilled than popping out some kids, so please, just stop talking.

Have any of my fellow ladies every heard any of these? Please let me know, I'm dying to hear the stories!

Love and Lightning Bugs,
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