Monday, August 19, 2013

Weird Stuff Kids Think About

When you're a kid, you sometimes have a really weird opinion or viewpoint of the things around you. I was an especially...umm....interesting child, and my view of the world reflected that. So here's a random post about some of the weirder things I remember thinking as a kid.

I DISTINCTLY remember sitting at the dining room table as a 5 year old, eating peas, corn, and carrots. I was sitting alone in the dining room, whining about the veggie medley on my plate, when I started wondering where the hell all the food I ate went. I put down my spoon, and looked down at my feet. Then it hit me...all my food was falling into my legs. I was like a giant fucking PEZ dispenser, and the food slowly filled me up from my feet to my head. That was the only explanation! For at least a year after, I was very adamant about this fact, and didn't want to run very often, in case the food got all jostled round and came out of my ears.

When I was 3 or 4, I had a conversation with my great grandmother about why she had so many ceramic animals in her house. Her response was, "They protect the house when I'm gone!" I shit you not, for YEARS I thought they were alive and that they came alive when no one was looking. Think Toy Story, but more militant. I was sure they formed a tiny army, and were fighting wars with the spiders and outside bugs, keeping them from coming in and taking over the house.


She had a certain large white ceramic cat, and I knew he had to be the General. I imagined he donned a large green general type hat, and commanded his army of little birds and squirrels and horses. I even kept trying to catch them in the act, sneaking into dark rooms as quietly as possible, and turning on my flashlight super fast. I was so disappointed that I never caught them in the act....the sneaky bastards.

There are WAY more, but seeing as it's already nearly midnight, I'll leave this post as it is. If you want to read more stories about how messed up I was as a kid, comment below!

Love and Lightning Bugs,
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